January 30, 2012

on growing up

growing up is a funny thing isn't it? i was holding and cuddling a one month old baby last night and was beyond fascinated with how one day this tiny little creature will be my age (& older) and how insanely wonderful and amazing it is that we start off so very small...so fragile and innocent and over time we turn into toddlers, then children, teenagers to adults and all of a sudden you're in your mid twenties and you're thinking "when did all of this happen?" when did i grow up and gain so much responsibility and turn into this...adult. i'm an adult. you're probably thinking "no duh!" but it's honestly kind of a strange thing to wrap your head around when you realize that you're on your own. i have bills to pay and responsibilities. if i don't go to work for a month, or a few weeks for that matter, i won't be able to pay my rent. i need money for groceries, clothes, toiletries, cleaning products...everything...and it's all up to me, no one else. me. i'm an adult.

over the weekend my mum and i were going through my closet as my parents are moving in about 6 months and therefore i had to go through everything and decide what i wanted to keep, throw out or donate and in a way i went through every single year of my life. from my baby book which my amazing mother has written in every single year since i was born, to my first shoes, to dresses & jumpers that i had when i was a little girl, tutus and dance costumes from over the years, a box of all my old journals from the time i learned to write until now, a box of notes & photos & things from high school boyfriends...band t-shirts of concerts i attended and notes that i would write in high school to pass to my friends in class. i was sitting there and looking through all of these things thinking "when did i get so freaking old?" all of a sudden i'm 25 and in my final semester of college, working 2 part-time jobs so that i can live comfortably and enjoy my life. i have an amazing boyfriend who loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me...we have a cat and a home and a life together, an amazing life together that i wouldn't trade for anything in the world. when did i grow up and when did this all happen? i mean, of course it's all gradual, you don't wake up overnight but do you know what i mean when sometimes it feels like you did just wake up and all of a sudden you're not 16 anymore.

life is crazy and beautiful and amazing. i'm beyond happy with the person i've become, the people i've surrounded myself with and the person i've chosen to spend the rest of my life with. i'm happy with where i am, who i am and what i'm doing.

all of a sudden i'm a grown up with jobs, responsibilities, a family of my own and the passion to grow and aspire to do things...and i couldn't be happier.