January 6, 2013

confessions on growing up

i will be 27 this year and while that totally doesn't seem 'old' at all (mainly because 'old' just gets post-poned later and later the older i seem to get) i'm starting to feel older...not in a physical sense (well, sometimes) but more of a mental one. my thoughts are changing...before i used to think about what i was going to drink that weekend and what friends i would hang out with, i'd think about my next purchase and where i was going to go shopping, i would plan out my outfit for the next day and focus on fashion blogs, i'd think about meaningless things for hours on end because i didn't really have to think about anything else...nothing really mattered, and now...now my thoughts seem to rest on spending my nights with mikey and staying in, resting up and getting a good sleep, looking forward to the gym because it makes me feel stronger and more energetic. i find myself dreaming of the day mikey asks me to marry him & filling my 'wedding inspiration folder' that i've had on my computer pretty much since mikey & i met. i am constantly thinking of what our first home will look like. i find myself dreaming of the day that we have a family & thinking about the ways we could financially make these dreams of ours come true in the next five years. i find myself reading tips on budgeting and how to save money. i find myself thinking of 'what i am doing with my life' who i want to be, where i want to settle down, and what i'm going to be doing - all of these things excite me beyond belief.

in terms of blog reading, i find myself gravitating towards blogs on home renovations, blogs about families and watching their kids grow up and how they choose to raise their families, blogs about mama-to-be's and the exciting journey of their pregnancy, blogs that 20 year-old me wouldn't have given the time of day.

i always remember wondering when i would feel 'grown up' i've always thought that i'd feel grown up when i got married, or when i bought a home, or when we started a family, but the truth is that i am a grown up right now, right this second - i make my own choices every single day, i am in a healthy and stable relationship, i pay my own bills, i make a choice to go to work & make a living for myself, i choose what i put into my body & am trying to make the healthiest decisions i can while still enjoying my life. 

choices. decisions. those are what make you a grown up...not things, or events that happen - choices. the second you start to think for yourself and have to provide and take care of yourself, that is when you are a grown up. i'm only starting to realize it now, but i've been 'grown up' for quite some time now, i've been making my own choices since the day i moved out of my parents house and had to start fending for myself.

i think i'm finally coming to terms with being a grown up, yes at 26 1/2 years old and you know what? being a grown up is pretty fucking cool.