February 26, 2013

whole30 update: only at day 1

is the first day of the whole30 the only really excruciatingly bad day? please tell me yes. i worked today, and for the majority of the day i was fine. i had a tiny headache at the beginning of the day (lack of coffee/sugar i'm told) & by the end of it, aka: right now, i am in migraine hell. from the image i posted in my last post it seems like this is going to be my entire first week...yaaaay. if i just didn't have this massive 300lb man sitting on my head everything would feel better. 

this morning i felt great. i felt full from my 3 eggs & smoothie & i even thought "ha, this is easy. i don't need coffee" [famous last words] because then 3 o'clock rolled around, i already hadn't had the best of lunches, and i was dying for a coffee or...something! my lovely friend sarah surprised me some of her freshly squeezed juice as her and her husband paul have really gotten into juicing, so that was a lovely treat! it definitely got my energy levels back, but nothing was getting rid of this headache.

i came home, made dinner, prepared some meals for the week (lunches mostly so i'm good while at work) i almost strangled my neighbours dog as he incessantly barked for well over an hour [why tonight?] my smoke alarm went off twice while cooking [why tonight?] & i almost started crying because the pain of my migraine - yes it was that bad. needless to say i'm not having the most fun right now, of course tonight is band practice night too [why tonight?] so that's happening loudly upstairs as well. i could probably kill a person at this point & not feel regret. okay that might be a bit harsh, but you can understand my pain and frustrations, right?

i'm going to do this though.

do you know how many times i wanted to grab that last reeses' pieces i forgot to eat last night? instead i threw it in the garbage.
do you know how many times i just wanted to give in and eat something that i knew wasn't good for me, and just not tell anyone? it would be my secret...but who am i cheating at that point? only myself...and that'd be really silly.

tomorrow i'll be testing myself even further as my friend is dj'ing and i will most definitely want a beer...or rum&coke...or something boozey. but i won't do it. i won't. i've tried certain ways of living and cutting things out and not eating certain things and i've never gone through with it...and that makes me angry at myself. i'm cheating myself. for what? a bowl of chips? psh. i am better than you chips. even though you are so very darn tasty.

i hear you feel amazing at the end of this, that you sleep better, feel better, look better...that you wake up at 6am and are ready and excited for the day. i can get through these tough days...it's just going to be really, well...tough.